poem: night star

I need to speak

of how black the night

seems to me

without my north star

 

I want to scream

to the darkness

demand

that sun and moon

do not have to rise

divorced

from each other’s horizon

 

I wish to tell

the empty sky

of a time

when galaxies burst

from its edges

 

but the stars

are too far-flung

to hear me now

 

so I sit

reciting poems to the moon

 

and in the morning

I will smile to the sun

 

ever pretending

that the world will always turn

without its heart

Photo by Nacho Rochon on Unsplash

poem: resistance

Here

With my guardian trees

Soul sharing secrets

whispered on the wind

 

The world can do no wrong to me

 

The branches waver

But do not break

 

The leaves they shake

But do not fall

Just yet.

 

Earth firm

under quick-moving feet

Autumn barely waking

On the edge of the air

 

Nothing has to falter in transition

 

Change is haunting us

Yet here I stand

 

The pines, hand in hand

Resisting winter’s call

To war –

 

Has it really taken me

Until tonight to know

 

That home is where I wish it

And they cannot make me fight?

 

Why do I write?

People will ask my why I write; I suppose I’ll say it’s because I enjoy it. Or maybe because of the hope that, one day far in the future, I may glean some semblance of success from what I do. But this only provides an answer to the question. It does not provide the truth. You see, the thing is, I don’t write to answer questions – or not to answer anyone else’s at least. I write because, when I feel joy, writing it down is the only real way I can capture and contain that feeling, like fireflies in a jar, to admire again when the darkness creeps in.

I write, because when the darkness does come, the words are all I have left. They are the only things that understand. Because words do not feel hurt, they only channel it; and I’ll let all of the pain and the hurting be taken up by the page in inky tears. Because at times, that is the only outlet it has left.

I write, because longing is not a need that can be described in any other way, unless you feel it. The words know how it feels, that burning desire to reach the end of the page, to carry on and on into forever. They understand loving too. They are the best way I have found to free it, to show it, when there is nothing here to love but the blank sheet in front of me. And hatred, that too has found its way into the words. Anger which, if spoken, would leave me burning, but which on the page leaves only a trace. A whisper in the peaceful silence.

My point is, I do not write for anybody else, nor because I feel I have to. I write for myself, because it makes me feel alive, and because I believe that words have a life far more meaningful and enduring that ours. So next time someone asks me why I write, I will just smile, knowing that these pages hold the truths which cannot always be heard.

 

 

 

Poem: The dawning

The dawning

Sensations gone, and yet to come

all lost and found

built in our own creation

~

the night’s transgressions

yesterday’s regression

to decay

released in sparks

today

~

unheeding where

we’re headed

slowly we’re forgetting

everything we dreaded

~

dreaming seems no longer

a nostalgia

now we’re who we are

~

our shackles being broken

by the morning

~

but didn’t we always know

the dark would die

with the dawning?

My summer reading

I haven’t written a monthly reads post in ages, so I thought I’d update things by recapping what I’ve read over the summer so far:

Friend Request by Laura Marshall

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This book had me hooked from the outset. The psychological thriller follows the narrator Louise, who, after receiving a friend request from a long-dead friend, begins to grow increasing paranoid. Gripping, and with a thrilling twist at the end, this book definitely deserves the 5 stars I have given it.

Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I love a good dystopian fiction, so I really enjoyed this thought-provoking book by the fantastic Ray Bradbury. Set in a future where the mere possession of a book can put a person in danger, I found the story really made me reflect on the importance of writing and reading to our society. What’s even more amazing is that Bradbury wrote the book in just 9 days!

The Chrysalids by John Wyndham

⭐️⭐️⭐️

I found this book to be bizarre and strangely captivating, although I occasionally found my attention drifting as I lost the thread of the story. This is also set in a dystopian world, where genetic mutants are outlawed, and the main characters’ differences mean they are separated from their society. I think the idea of the novel is good, and it is well written. However, for me, it was not so much of a page turner as some of the other books I’ve read.

The Dispossessed by Ursula Le Guin

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Similarly to The Chrysalids, it took me some time to get through this novel, as I found it a bit slow-paced. However, I refused to abandon the book and I was gradually drawn into the life of the main character Shevek, as he travelled from his home world of Annares to the planet of Urras to pursue his work as a physicist. Le Guin’s work is well-crafted, and once I was immersed into the novel I quite enjoyed it.

Before I go to sleep by S.J.Watson

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I picked up this psychological thriller in a second hand book store, and had finished it within a few days! It follows Christine – who has a rare form of amnesia which means she forgets everything about her identity when she falls asleep – as she attempts to record her past in the form of a diary, discovering that the truths she has been being fed do not entirely add up. I was hooked on the book, and found myself empathising with Catherine, desperate to find out the truth about her situation. I would highly recommend this book, and as it is the same genre as the novel I myself am writing, I found it very inspirational!

Poem: Tonight

Tonight the sky is rose-tinged

in the shade that soothes our tears

painting smiles to cover fears,

serene and soft as darkness falls.

Now deepening to purple,

violet at horizon’s reach

shrouds unknown steeps

in mystery as the shadows call.

Beyond what is above

a woven silk of stars

adorned in silver, waiting to be ours –

once we endure the unremitting night

we’ll free the dawn in incandescent light

Life update

It’s been a while since I last uploaded, so I’m posting this just to get me back into blogging. I was busy with exams for a few weeks, then took some time out to relax, and I seem to have got out of the habit of blogging. Although I haven’t been blogging, I’ve not stopped writing. In fact, I’ve started working on a new novel. It’s a psychological thriller, and I’m really getting into it! I hope to have it finished within a few months. I’ve also been writing more poetry, which I will upload at some point when I get around to it! Expect more posts in the next few weeks as I improve the frequency of my blog activity!

The wideness of the hills

I used to crave the wideness of the hills

the past a road fast fading far behind

a freedom from the haunting fears that filled

the overgrowing corners of my mind

I somehow sought for loneliness by stayed

swift sinking underneath my growing dread

the fear my soul was lost, I soon would fade

love’s warmth forgotten from my heart and head

And now I crave the hills leaps once again

but not to face my miseries alone

the valleys no more steeped in sorrow’s snow

the distance in the world is not a strain

now love, a greater force than loss has grown

and anywhere the depth of thought will go

For a moment everything was good

There was a moment

when you had just lifted me up with your laugh

and kissed me through my smile

a moment when I walked outside

to be surprised by the sun

in a minute’s release

~

there was a moment

where urgency was dulled

and I was, for that moment

the person that this time

wants me to be

~

we had said goodbye

but only for now

and I was heading homeward

with the dream of tomorrow

to free my wandering steps

March reads

I’ve only managed to read one book this month, so I’m a little disappointed in myself. I need to try and read more! However, I give high praise to the book I have read:

Chocolat

Joanne Harris

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I really enjoyed this book, deciding to reading it after watching the film a while ago. It’s not my typical sort of thing, but I actually really liked it. There are some subtle differences between the book and the film, but I have to say I enjoyed both.

The story follows chocolatier Vienne Rocher and her daughter Anouk, who open a chocolate shop in the French village of Lansquenet at the start of Lent, much to the dislike of priest Reynaud. Tension rises in the village as Vianne’s beliefs and plans for a chocolate festival begin to conflict with the traditions of both the church and the villagers. Reynaud takes on the personal challenge of opposing the chocolatier, while many of the villagers form friendships with the mysterious woman.

The novel is very well written and constructed. On the surface, it is an enjoyable and engaging story, but I loved the deeper themes of the novel. It is not just a conflict between good and evil or Catholics and Protestants, but has a deeper meaning about making the most of life while you can. I would highly recommend!